Desgarrada

O meu amigo Musicólogo presenteou-nos com a sua selecção de citações de Woody Allen. Eu, como não gosto de ficar atrás de ninguém senão naquelas situações em que é mais agradável estar atrás de certas pessoas, decidi fazer a minha própria selecção.

I believe there is something out there watching over us – unfortunately it's the government.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.